考研英语作文批改实例――小作文之投诉信

在考研英语的写作中，小作文重点考查的是书信类应用文。投诉信便是其中一种，在2012年英语(二)写作中考查过。投诉信用于写信人对某项服务或某个产品表达不满，经常发生在自己作为消费者利益受损或者自己的正常工作、学习、生活受到干扰的情形下。但是即便如此，写信时也要语气冷静、有礼，陈述事实客观、准确。下面从例题出发，分析写作思路和相关的语言表达，同时提供两篇学生作文来让广大考生引以为戒。

Directions：

You bought a pair of tennis bats from website several days ago. When you received them, you found they were used with dirt all over around and a small tear in the handle. Write a letter to the customer service manager of the store to

1) tell him about the used bats

2) ask for a refund

You should write about 100 words on ANSWER SHEET 2.

Do not sign your own name at the end of the letter. Use Li Ming instead.

Do not write the address.

从题干提供的背景可以得出，此题要求写作投诉信，并且也可以判断出称呼的内容，即Dear Manager,。正文写作时应该按照如下写作思路：

首段：表示相关，提出投诉;

中段：陈述事由，解决问题;

末端：表示期待。

按照这一思路，可以写出如下参考范文：

Dear Manager,

I am a customer who bought a pair of tennis bats from your online store a week ago. I am writing this letter to make a complaint about the tennis bats.

The pair of tennis bats is covered with dirt all over around. Whats worse, there was a small tear in the handle. So it is obvious that they had been used by someone else before I received them. To make up for the problem, it would be appreciated if you could give me a full refund, for I have bought a new pair yesterday at a local store.

I hope that my problem will get your kind consideration.

Sincerely yours,

Li Ming

学生作文1

Dear Sir or madam,

I am a customer who bought a pair of tennis bats from your website two days ago. I am writing to make a complaint about the tennis bats.

I have found that the bats were filled with dirt all over around and there was a tear in the handle at the time I received them. Obviously, they have been used by someone else. To resolve the problem, it is advisable for you to give me a full refund for I have already bought a new one at a local store.

I hope that my problem can get your kind consideration.

Sincerely yours,

Li Ming

评语：

本篇文章复合上述思路，基本覆盖所有信息点，且格式正确，能够使用一些礼貌性表达，但是存在一些词汇和语法错误，故得分为6分。

修改：

I have found that the bats were filled with dirt all over around and there was a tear in the handle at the time I received them.此句共有2处错误。第一，were filled with在这里不合适，因为fill强调的是容器中装满、填满，此处并没有这个语境。应该改为were covered with。第二，at the time I received them中，I received them已经是一个简单句，和前句连接时没有使用连词，是句法上的错误。这里，应该改为at the time when I received them.

所以，广大考生在备考考研英语小作文的书信时，首先需要理清楚写作思路，在此基础上，合理使用一些礼貌性表达。同时，写完后，一定要进行修改和优化。如果自己这部分有问题，欢迎登陆查字典公务员考研的乐学平台，上传你的作文，有老师为你进行专业批改!

(本文作者为查字典公务员考研英语辅导名师申虹)